An Unexpected Source of Comfort
I ordered something for a completely different purpose than I ended up using it for.
Parts of this post concern adult content. There are no images or detailed descriptions, but reader discretion is still advised.
There's no denying it: The internet is both a blessing and a curse. At its heart, it is a tool for communication, and it allows for easier exchange and development of ideas, both good and bad.
One development that sticks out to me – and that certainly belongs into the latter category – is the continued, increased sexualization of otherwise harmless sub- and objects. One example of this is the term femboy, which, compared to its counterpart, tomboy, results in a marginally larger proportion of NSFW content on any website that has a search function. I have my own gripes with this particular example, but that's another story.
You guessed it, I wouldn't be writing this if I was innocent in this regard. A few months ago, I bought a Japanese sailor-style school uniform – another prime example of this phenomenon, consisting of a blouse and a skirt – because I thought it would be fun to use during, let's say, certain kinds of activities.
And it was, sure. But over the coming weeks, I found myself wearing the included skirt more and more as part of my casual, daily outfit. Not when I went out – it was decidedly too short for that – but whenever I came home from work and had nothing else planned for the day, I'd change clothes and breathe a sigh of relief.
The last time I felt this comfortable in, and was this excited about, some simple clothes was years ago. I was confused at first, but after thinking about it for a while, I believe the reason why boils down to the following points (from most to least impactful):
- Over the past years, I have been an active member of a semi-private Discord community. Over time, a lot of its other members have come out as transgender, and, while I currently identify as a cisgender male, it wouldn't surprise me if that changed in the future.
- I have been interested in anime (see also: Suzume and the Way of the Mind), as well as Japanese culture in general, for what feels like forever, and the type of uniform in question makes a lot of appearances in the former. There may also be an aspect of nostalgia here, as I first started watching anime about a decade ago.
- Where I live, it's been unbearably hot these past couple weeks, and compared to the shorts I have, a skirt gives my lower body way more room to breathe.
It was nice seeing how I was slowly able to "take back" just one thing, the uniform, from the preconceived notions the internet had exposed me to, and turn it back into something that's closer to its intended, original purpose.
If nothing else, I think it'll be exciting to see how this situation develops.